Eons

It doesn't so much bother me that I haven't had sex in eons; it bothers me that no one has really seemed very interested.

But I got a plan. It's the same plan I've had before and for a long time.

See, pretty soon my house will be all in order. Then, I will be able to start looking for gainful employment. Once I get settled into my new job then I can start concentrating on getting in shape, because, you see, I need to be in shape anyway for the wedding on the beach (la boda en la playa) in November. And once I drop twenty-five pounds (or at least swap a bunch of fat for muscle) then the ladies may seem more interested.

That's probably everybody's plan. But it's far, far, far off into the future...

Jonathan 6/30/2004 12:48:00 AM

 
Shaved Balls

It has only been fairly recently that I started shaving my balls. Far (actually far, far, far, far, far) more recently than I have actually had anyone else anywhere near my balls. Sometimes it seems pointless to shave your balls if no one is getting the chance to check them out. I'd sure like to show 'em to someone so that they could compliment or critique my lines.

(I think I left out about 10 far's)

Jonathan 6/30/2004 12:44:00 AM

 
A Bar

It seems that everyone to whom I mention that I am considering opening a bar with some friends wants to come and work for me. I don't know if that is good or bad. Any way, most say they would drink there too.

My parents do not approve of the idea. I have a long rant about that, but maybe later. For now, suffice it to say that I could care less.

Jonathan 6/30/2004 12:39:00 AM

 
Drinking

The Park Tavern has $2 you call it on Tuesday nights. Everything is two bucks except Grey Goose and two other things. But Grand Marnier is included. Two bucks for shots of grand ma. Washed down with Budweiser. Excellent evening.

Jonathan 6/30/2004 12:36:00 AM

 
For the Ladies

Ladies, do you enjoy the occassional session in front of your computer looking at or for ? If so, this may be the perfect companion plugin for you. At under ten bucks, what do you have to lose?

In another few years, we should have far better and far more (pleasantly) intrusive computer add ons to supplement our porn surfing habits. I for one, can hardly contain my - uhhh - enthusiasm.

Jonathan 6/26/2004 08:56:00 AM

 
Renovations

I have been crazy busy the last week working on trying to make my home more liveable. My mother came to town for eight days to help with the decorating choices and to work with the cleaning and the painting.

About 80 or 90 percent of the place has now been painted. The guys are here this morning installing new flooring in my kitchen. My carpet was supposed to be produced down in Georgia yesterday, and I should hopefully have it installed by this time next week. I bought a new closet system yesterday and will install it later today.

The place is starting to come around although I am currently sitting in my living room tightly enclosed by my oven, refrigerator, couch, a mattress, and a big cabinet. The place still feels like a mess, but at least the walls and ceilings look good.

My mother would wake up at 7 AM and we often worked pretty much straight through until 1 in the morning. I am exhausted. I think tomorrow will be the first day in a week and a half that I will be able to sleep in. I'll probably sleep past noon. For now, there's more work to do, but it can wait a bit until I type at you some more.

Jonathan 6/26/2004 08:27:00 AM

 
The Decemberists

I went and saw The Decemberists play with The Long Winters last week at the Gothic Theater. I had never been to the Gothic before. It's a pretty nice place to see a small show. It's smaller, cleaner, and newer than the Bluebird, but it has that same kind of general feel only in Littleton and not on Colfax.

I had previously downloaded four or five Long Winters songs, but I didn't realize that until after the concert, so I didn't know much about what to expect. The promo for the show said, "Singer/songwriter John Roderick has been tagged as an indie version of R.E.M.'s Michael Stipe." Any indie version of REM and Stipe??!? Do they forget who built the college rock scene in America? OK, so it wasn't just REM, but to put these guys as somehow "more indie" than REM kind of made me laugh - or reminisce or something...

Turns out that the statement is a bit of hyperbole too. The band was good and some of the songs flat out rocked and were really good (notably, their opening tune, Stupid). Unfortunately though, some of the other songs were just mediocre. These guys will probably eventually end up with one big song from a soundtrack or something, but I doubt that they will ever be big rock stars. Maybe they are just too young as a band and eventually they'll crank out hit after hit, but I just don't see it yet.

Go here to download Stupid and Car Parts which I also thought was quite good. (I'm listening now to Blue Diamonds. It's pretty good too. Scent of Lime bores me.

The Decemberists were very good. Collin Molloy, the singer and leader, has sort of a funny voice when he talks. And he is short. But the music was great. I thought the set could have been about three songs longer, but it was definitely a good show. I bought a teeshirt and the new EP.

The new EP, Tain, kind of annoys me. It has three or four different songs but it is all done as one piece and one track. I have no clue why they did such a thing. The music on it is good however.

Standing in the crowd at the show, I kept looking around at everyone's wrists. I was looking to see if there were any lovely ladies for whom I might purchase a cocktail. (I had just enough booze and other motivation that I thought I just might try even as it is quite out of my normal character.) Lots of cute girls, but few seemed to be of age. As I studied the crowd a bit, I decided that there were basically two groups of people there: highschool kids and highschool English teachers. I laughed aloud and then cringed when it struck me which set I most obviously resembled.

Jonathan 6/09/2004 11:53:00 AM

 
Fat Get Fatter

Some guy is saying that all Americans aren't getting fatter, but that the fatties out there are getting super fat and basically kicking the bell curve and the scale off the charts. The article is quick to point out that this is a contrarian view, but still, I think the guy is at least part right.

Even if all Americans (in general) are indeed getting bigger, it seems self evident that there are more and more super-obese folks out there. I notice this especially out here in Denver. Quality of life and the weather (see below) bring lots of outdoorsy folks to Colorado. The lifestyle generally promotes fitness and most people seem to be in at least ok shape. But those who are not often seem to be of the 300 pound variety.

I stumbled across an exercise log from two years ago last night. Had you asked me previously, I would have guessed that today I weighed significantly more than I did two years ago. I was surprised to look and see that I am about 13 pounds lighter now. Not that I don't need to lose some weight. I definitely need to trim the gut before the big beach wedding (la boda mas grande en la playa).

Jonathan 6/09/2004 11:01:00 AM

 
Wacky Weather

On Monday Denver set a new high temperature record of 98 degrees.

Yesterday it hailed so hard just west of my house that a Hummer got stuck in the three feet of hail that fell in about 30 minutes. Here's the story with some still pictures of the stuck Humvee. I was laughing my ass off last night watching the live coverage of the guy in the Hummer. All of these rich a-holes driving around in their $50,000 Hummers, and the things can't even handle a little spring weather. Hummers suck. There were also over 2,000 lightning strikes in and around the city last night.

Still, despite last night's brief rain storm, Denver has only received 3.64 inches of precipitation THIS YEAR! Compare that to 13.37 inches in KC, 12.28 inches in Chi-town, or 20.37 inches in Cincy. But hey, you guys probably like watching those storm clouds blot out the sun for days on end. Me? I'll take the sunshine, thank you.

The Ohio State weather page has lots of good information on it. Mainly technical forecasting stuff, but obviously lots of other good current and historical weather data too.

Jonathan 6/09/2004 10:25:00 AM

 
Not Clear on the Concept

So apparently J-Lo got married to Marc Anthony (is that just Ricky Martin's stage name?) who got a hurry up divorce ahead of the wedding because J-Lo is knocked up and she doesn't want the child born out of wedlock because, you know, she is a, "strict Catholic." (This was in Page 6 on 6/8/04 as J.LO, MARC INFANT-ICIPATING?, but apparently Page 6 doesn't have permalinks.)

Somebody might want to explain things a little more clearly to Ms. Lo.

Jonathan 6/09/2004 09:41:00 AM

 
Etymology

When I took Latin in school (do they even teach kids Latin anymore?) I had a great teacher who emphasized the language in its etymological perspective far more than actually learning to read or converse. This was very practical, and I have long been glad that my father urged me to study Latin and that Mr. Ayers taught with such an approach.

Each week for two years we were given a list of around 20 modern English words and told to research their etymologies and use the words in a sentence. Obviously each list of words tied to the vocabulary set for the given chapter. This fairly routine ongoing assignment helped build a life long interest in the history of words for me.

Here is an interesting article (a book excerpt really) on the derivation of some English phrases. Find out not just about bees' knees but also elephants' adenoids, snakes' hips, bullfrogs' beards, and clams' garters. Those last two almost sound dirty to me. Just enough to evoke a wry smile.

Jonathan 6/09/2004 09:09:00 AM

 
That Famous Book by Nabokov

Here is a fascinating little blurb on Lolita which as it turns out may have been largely plagiarized from a Nazi. Plagiarized may be a bit too harsh, and the other author was not yet a party member, but still, it's an interesting historical look based on evidence that has only just recently come to light.

Jonathan 6/09/2004 09:05:00 AM

 
Patriot Act

Wired had an article on the widespread opposition to the Patriot Act. Over 320 municipalities have passed some sort of resolution essentially stating their opposition to the wide ranging stomping of civl liberties which the Patriot Act encourages or at least enables.

None of the resolutions carry any weight as the Feds - as shown by the Act itself - care very little for the wishes individuals or communities. Wired says, "Attorney General John Ashcroft has said repealing or changing the Patriot Act would hamper the government's ability to catch terrorists and protect the public."

...

And now I have no idea where I was going with any of this. I bookmarked the articles a couple of days ago because I thought I had something more to say. I can't now for the life of me remember what the point was other than Patriot Act=Bad / Civil Liberty=Good.

Jonathan 6/09/2004 07:36:00 AM

 
Hack Attack

Has anyone else seen their systems come under attack in recent days from Philippinos? For the past two days my firewall has been notifying me roughly every 30 to 60 minutes that there was an unsuccessfull TCP/IP port attack using an invalid socket attempt. I have no idea what that means, but each time the IP address has been from the same narrow range and always resolves to some firm in the Philippines. The software categorizes these attacks as Low Risk, but I am getting tired of seeing the alarm go off and am somewhat concerned by the persistent nature of the probings.

"Persistent nature of the probings" - Ha! That should be on my refrigerator poetry.

Jonathan 6/09/2004 07:03:00 AM

 
Productive Day

It's not even 8 AM, and I am already home from a trip to the dentist. I know that is no big feat for those of you who get up and go to work everyday, but for an unemployed schlub like myself, it is an accomplishment. Hopefully I can do a few more things and make it into a wholly productive day.

Jonathan 6/09/2004 06:57:00 AM

 
Magnetic Poetry

I love those magnetic poetry magnets even if they are a bit 2001 by this point. I've seen some clever and funny stuff come stuck to the freezer here and there. But clever and funny just isn't enough for my house. I wanted dirty. Preferrably filthy.

So this weekend when I stumbled across the erotic poetry at a Boulder bookstore, I just couldn't resist. There are no swear words, but the limited vocabulary is certainly sufficient to make many blush.

As a service to you, I will share some of the current writings from my freezer on something of a regular basis. Some of these will be my thoughts; others will be from friends and interlopers; others may be completely random that I'm not sure where they came from. Let's start today:



PS: Does anyone have any thoughts on how bad it is to put these little tiny magnets directly onto my scanner?

PPS: That was a somewhat more tedious process than I had imagined. Maybe I'll just type the words next time.

Jonathan 6/03/2004 04:20:00 PM

 
Warning Signs

Hyena has often commented on the impending legal requirement that will require anyone under the age of 18 to wear a helmet at all times when they are outdoors.

Click it or ticket reminded us this weekend that the law knows what is best for you.

Now smoking will get you an R-rating. These film ratings and warnings are getting just way too long.

Thankfully someone has my best interests in mind. If I'd just stop flaunting the law and stay indoors then everything would be fine.

Ahhh, who am I kidding? You guys know I rarely venture outdoors.

Jonathan 6/03/2004 04:15:00 PM

 
In the End

I am rather certain that this is how I will go out.

Jonathan 6/03/2004 01:28:00 PM

 
Betting the Belmont

Here is an interesting article predicting how the Belmont will be run on Saturday. They pick Smarty Jones to come up just a bit short to a horse, Birdstone, that performed poorly at the Derby, skipped the Preakness, and is now back as a hopeful spoiler. This same scenario has spoiled Triple Crown hopefuls probably numerous times in past history. You will recall that last year's Derby favorite, Empire Maker, played spoiler in just this manner to Funny Cide.

For the bettors out there, the article makes good emphasis of one of my personal favorite betting strategies. When you agree with the rest of the masses that one of the horses (or dogs, as it may be) is a clear powerhouse, it is often best to put your money in the show bet instead of win or across the board. As the article tells, Smary Jones will almost certainly go off at better than even money odds. Heck, with all of the desire in America to have a new superhorse, I wouldn't be surprised to see sentimental betting drive the odds down to 1-5 or thereabouts. What this means to you as a better is that the win line would probably look something like $2.40 $2.25 $2.10.

There's just not a lot of money to be won on the straight bets, and as such it is far safer to make a $50 show bet than it is to do something like $50 to win or $20 across the board. In my personal strategy, I will sometime combine the across the board with a big show bet to help cover me in case I'm wrong. At 1-5 I probably wouldn't bother, but at or above even money, if I can find a winner, I'll often do something like $5 across the board with an additional $20 show bet. I'm disappointed at how often I tend to cash only the show portion and none of the win or place portions. I think the big show bet on a strong horse can also be a good hedge against some off the more exotic bets that you might place.

Then again, my father, who is certainly a much more accomplished gambler than I, almost never bets the straight (WPS) bets. He is all about exactas, quinnellas, trifectas, and superfectas. The bigger money is in the more extravagant bets and wheels, partials wheels, and the like types of combinations mean that the confident bettor can make a fairly wide combination of bets for a fair cost. I bet plenty of trifectas and superfectas myself. They are the bets you remember winning for along time. But in most instances, my performance on any given outing is probably more driven by the success or failure of my show bets.

Jonathan 6/03/2004 01:07:00 PM

 
Defense

Here's an interview with John Lynch on how he is adjusting to Denver and the Broncos' system.

Hmmm. It almost sounds like we might have a guy or two on defense that can actually intercept or at least deflect a pass or two. Last year the Broncos were last in the NFL in interceptions with only 9 during the regular season.

Brian said he heard that someone had the Broncos as #2 in the preseason power rankings. That sounds high to me, but I am no oddsmaker. Right now, I feel like the defense will be great and the offense is what should have me worried. But deep down I am still worried about the defense. Yeah, we have a lot of big names back there now, but historically, it seems like it has been the defense that let us down. Hopefully that won't be the case this year.

Jonathan 6/01/2004 07:25:00 PM

 
On High

Tony has an open letter to the pope on pot legalization. A couple great points that you never thought of.

Jonathan 6/01/2004 07:22:00 PM