Just Another Blog
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
 
Crazy, Part 4

Ok, I'm running with a theme and a style.

I notably used some of that aforementioned self-censorship late last year after a budding romantic interest read and took offense with something that I wrote and posted which did not mention her but did speak of her. I felt I had particular cause to be excited but the excitement was, perhaps, expressed poorly and was definitely misinterpretted as first written. It was an error, and it nipped that bud. What I learned from that experience and what I should have learned previously just by reading Hyena and Vince is that you've got to be crazy to write about your romantic interest on your blog be it good or bad. It's weird. I can think it through to that, but that type of relationship nuance is not readily apparent to me. I'm not sure if it's due to naivete, staleness, or my self-diagnosed autism. I can learn and can think it through, but I feel like that takes a lot of thinking. So, I find myself pulling myself into this terrible spiral as confidence and comfort compel me to seek out a new relationship but every opportunity and every possibility requires time and effort to think it through. And so I sit down to think it through. Experience makes it easier to recognize other variables in the equation. Soon, the contemplation grows longer. Soon, the calculations begin before the conversation even ends, and the speech output stammers to a halt. The only question left is who walks away in silence first.