Just Another Blog
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
 
Prescription Drugs

Next time I go to Mexico, I am going to buy some Ritalin. I have such a difficult time maintaining my train of thought. There is so much that I need to be doing. I have so many things that I am behind on. I feel like everything is completely scattered all of the time. This isn't really anything new. My brain is always ten steps ahead of what I can actually keep up with or accomplish. My attention span is for shit. I read the first three paragraphs of most news stories. If I make it beyong that it's a trick. I think too sometimes that I need whatever drug it is that they advertise for generalized anxiety disorder. I suspect though that such a drug must be similar to Ritalin in terms of what it does to the brain and how.

I would like to try these drugs, but I dare not discuss such a thing with a physician. That would go down on my permanent record. (Not like this online confessional won't be preserved in some cache somewhere forever anyway.) I don't think that I could take those things regularly. I dated a girl in high school whose brother was on Prozac or some similar medication. His parents could never keep him on the regimen for long because he complained that he felt like his thoughts weren't his own any more. That terrifies me. I hate the thought that these pychotropic meds might actually change how I create and interpret my own thoughts. I'm willing to experiment, but I don't want to take them regularly.