Reality TV

None of the links in this post are work safe. All of the puns in this post are bad.

Outside of football and hockey, I'm not a big fan of reality TV. I'll take 24 or one of the cop shows over Survivor and American Idol. Now, however, there's a reality show that I just might be interested in.

Jewel DeNyle, being one of adult entertainment's most famous, creative and forward thinking adult stars today, or possibly ever, created the "Porn Star Idol" concept several months ago.

The idea is simply this: Take men and women, ages 18 and up, who have never performed in an adult movie. Then, pit them against one another in sexual events in which they will be graded by celebrity judges. The process of elimination will leave only one male and one female contestant to be the new "Porn Star Idols". The winners receive $2500.00 in cash and a six picture contract with Platinum X Pictures.

This is an opportunity worth competing for. Platinum X is a new company in the world of adult entertainment but they are stacked with some of the best talent in the industry. They are putting out some world class stuff and are enroute to being a major player in the adult video market. Winners will be afforded the chance to work with and under the direction of huge stars like Michael Stefano, Brandon Iron, Manuel Ferrera, Steve Holmes and even the vaunted Jewel DeNyle herself. The six picture contract with Platinum X could easily catapult a new actor/actress into being a name known around the world.

Well, I don't really want to work under Messieurs Stefano, Ferrera, or Holmes, but I would be willing to take direction.

Man this is going to be huge. I wonder if I'd be able to, err, pull it off in a room full of people. There are more pictures than I'm comfortable admitting floating around of me naked, but none of them were taken under - shall we say - proper conditions. Of course still pictures are vastly different than the hard work that is required of video stars.

I've read elsewhere that the industry is being revolutionzed by Viagra which has made it more and more accessible to the heretofore amateur. Of course for you ladies, all it has ever required is a good set of lungs and a willingness to use and display them.

Mike's Apartment and Bang Bus have made internet porn stars out of lots of folks, but this is a movie deal. I'll bet every member of the past two American Idols who didn't end up with a record contract will be shooting for this opportunity. The porn-to-legitimate-film-star move has been pulled off numerous times in the past - perhaps most notably by Sly Stallone, the Italian Stallion. So, if you want to be a movie star, this is probably as good an opening as any.

This reminds me of one of my all time favorite lines from Married with Children. Jefferson, with a wistful look in his eye, says to Al (something along the lines of), "All I ever wanted from life was to get a motorcycle, drive cross-country to California, and become a porn star."

You may (read as: should) submit your application here.

Anyone want to rehearse with me?

Jonathan 6/24/2003 08:09:00 PM